25 Ways to Annoy HP Characters!
by pshhhh yeahh
Summary: Just what the title says. Enjoy!
1. Old Voldie

**25 Ways to Annoy Old Voldie**

1. Send him a Howler that screams the "Barbie Girl" song to him.

2. Put a teddy bear next to him while he's sleeping and take a picture.

3. Give the picture to everyone in the world.

4. When his plan fails, say loudly, "I bet Harry Potter could do it!"

5. At the next Death Eater meeting, start doing the Cha-Cha Slide, and insist he does it with you.

6. Give him one of those rainbow clown wigs.

7. Destroy one of his Horcruxes.

8. Give him polyjuice potion with Harry Potter's hair in it.

9. Tell him Muggles will attack him unless he grows some hair right NOW.

10. Tell him you're pregnant with his baby in the middle of a Death Eater meeting.

11. Replace Nagini with a pheonix.

12. When he's sleeping, draw a heart on his right forearm with the words _Harry Potter_ written across it.

13. Take a picture and give it to everyone in the world.

14. Tell him he smells.

15. Ask him why Harry Potter's still alive.

16. Tell him he should just "Accio" Harry and get it over with.

17. If he says something like "No, no we must follow the plan," tell him that Dumbledore would have done it.

18. Tickle him.

19. Call him "Buddha".

20. Throw Holy Water on him and say, "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU, HOMO!"

21. Blow raspberries whenever he starts to speak.

22. Moan his name loudly whenever he walks past your room.

23. Heck, moan his name (Tom Riddle) whenever you see him. Then run away.

24. Run circles around him.

25. Do Number 7 again.


	2. Boy Who Lived

**25 Ways to Annoy The Boy Who Lived**

1. Draw another lightning scar on his forehead while he's sleeping.

2. Take all his underwear and replace it with frilly, lacey thongs, with a note that says _Love, Voldie_.

3. Ask him if you could blow him in the middle of Potions class.

4. Take his Firebolt and give it to Draco Malfoy.

5. Draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

6. Corner him in the hallways, with a lot of people there, and scream, "DON'T DENY IT, IT'S YOUR BABY, BITCH!"

7. Send him a book of interesting sex positions, and tell him you wanna try half of them that night, in front of Snape.

8. Do the "We're All In This Together" dance whenever he walks into a room.

9. Bring Snape to his dormitory and tell him you two want to see his thing-a-ma-jig.

10. Tell Dobby that someone is trying to kill Harry again, and have him try to send Harry home.

11. Give him a dementer costume for Halloween.

12. Send him a pregnancy test with a note that says _I think you should use this. Love, Sevie._

13. Leave a note in the Gryffindor common room that says Harry's gay.

14. When his scar hurts from Voldemort, ask him if he's PMS-ing.

15. When he complains about the Dursleys, say you got a note from Uncle Vernon, and he wants to rape Harry in the ass.

16. When Harry runs away, scream "ADMIT YOU WANT IT, MAN-WHORE!"

17. Hiss at him whenever you see him, and ask him what it means.

18. Ask him for his autograph, then make copies and give them to everyone.

19. Call him "Sexy Spongebob" whenever you refer to him in classes.

20. Tell Draco Malfoy that Harry is in love with him.

21. Fly around Hogwarts on his Firebolt.

22. Give him a picture of Professor Umbridge.

23. Dye your hair red and ask, loudly, "DO YOU LOVE ME NOW?"

24. Paint random black spots on his Invisibility Cloak.

25. Tell him Dudley is a wizard and is coming to Hogwarts.


	3. Potions Master

**Half the credit for this one goes to Wickedwitch90. Thanks so much!!!**

**25 Ways to Annoy The Potions Master**

1. Leave a picture of Hermione on his desk.

2. Leave a picture of Lily on his desk.

3. Leave a picture of Harry on his desk.

4. Whisper sexual innuendos to him during Potions.

5. Tell him he would make a good Hufflepuff.

6. Put a piece of paper on his desk that says "Sexiest Teacher of the Year Award".

7. Throw white out at his clothes.

8. Ask him if he puts grease in his hair every morning.

9. Tell him that there was no one in the history of Hogwarts that was headmaster for such a short period of time.

10. Tell him that he is _extremely _funny in the Potter Puppet Pals movies/animations.

11. Put salt and pepper in all his completed potions.

12. Ask for a contraception potion in the middle of class.

13. Tell him to grow up and get over Lily.

14. Sing the "Mysterious Ticking Noise" song to him in the halls.

15. But only his name.

16. "Bother" him.

17. Ask him how he could be in Slytherin if he isn't a pureblood.

18. Ask him for private potions lessons, then wink at him.

19. Ask him if he turns into a bat.

20. When he takes points away from a House, tell him to go get laid so he could stop being such a grouch.

21. Write an essay on the importance of personal hygene and leave it on his desk.

22. Ask him if Dracula is his real father.

23. Leave pictures of stags all around his office.

24. And dogs and wolves, and a green eyed doe.

25. Make sure to get a picture of his reaction.


	4. Bookworm

**25 Ways To Annoy The Bookworm**

1. Leave a hair straightener in her room.

2. Take away all her books and donate them to people in Alaska to burn for fires.

3. Ask her if she's ever heard of Pantene Pro-V Sleek and Shine shampoo.

4. Tell her Harry is in love with her, and is prepared to duel Ron for her heart.

5. Show her a lemon fanfic of her and Snape.

6. Heck, show her all the lemon fanfics with her in them.

7. Record her reaction and give it to Draco Malfoy.

8. Tell her she's didn't win the Smartest Teen Witch Award in _The Dailey Prophet_.

9. Say Luna Lovegood did.

10. Form a new society for House Elves and make everyone join it.

11. Call it PUKE (Please Use Kinky Elves)

12. Photoshop her heard onto a sexy, underwear model's body and give the photo to Ron.

13. Continually ask if she's a virgin, in the most public of places.

14. In class after a question is asked, raise your hand before she does and take twenty minutes to answer, saying it's on the tip of your tongue.

15. Mimic every single thing she does.

16. Put a worm in her book.

17. Tell her you slept with Viktor Krum after the Yule Ball.

18. Run away when she chases you.

19. Ask her why she had bad teeth when she was little if her parents were both dentists. I mean, it just doesn't make sense!

20. Tell her Ron loves you.

21. Tell her 'Mudblood' actually means 'sexy-ass brunette'.

22. Record her reaction the next time Malfoy calls her Mudblood.

23. Tell her that you overheard Snape pleasuring himself to her.

24. Ask her why she doesn't have many girl friends.

25. Ask her if it's true that she slept with Draco Malfoy.


	5. Voldie's Number One Groupie

**Basically, all the credit goes to Wickedwitch90. Thanks!!!**

25 Ways To Annoy Voldie's Number One Groupie

1. Ask her why Lucius Malfoy is ALWAYS in charge at Death Eater meetings.

2. Notify her that it's not clever to murder pure blood wizards when you're striving for a pureblooded community.

3. Ask her if she has a secret crush on a certain potions master.

4. Tell her Voldie wouldn't return feelings for her even if she was a walking figure of power.

5. Repeatedly ask her why her mission at the Ministry failed.

6. Confront her with the fact that Voldie likes to torture her.

7. Send her a love letter from a certain Tom Riddle.

8. Record her reaction on camera and give it to everyone in the world.

9. Remind her that she is married.

10. Ask her if she knows Voldie isn't pureblooded.

11. Offer her a job at a primary school cause she likes to imitate children and children tend to imitate her as well.

12. Tell her she lost all her beauty in Azkaban.

13. Remind her how many blood traitors there are in her own family.

14. Ask if she even remembers her own husband's name, then laugh if she says "Tom".

15. Take away her Dark Mark.

16. Tell her Voldie is getting married to a Muggle.

17. Kill Voldie.

18. Tell her Molly Weasley is twice the witch she'll ever be.

19. Kiss Voldie in front of her.

20. Tell her Voldie will only really love her if she starts wearing fluffy pink outfits and slippers.

21. Ask her why she didn't have any kids so she could name them Tom.

22. Tell her to just go back to Azkaban and stop buggin everyone.

23. Tell her Sirius is back from the dead to haunt her.

24. Remind her that Harry, Ron, and Hermione all broke into her Gringotts vault.

25. Tell her Azkaban is not an excuse; she was mad to begin with.


	6. Ferret

**25 Ways to Annoy The Ferret**

1. Repeatedly ask him to loan you money.

2. Leave a real ferret in his dorm room.

3. Mix real blood and some dirt in a cup, throw it at him in the halls, and scream, "Who's the Mudblood NOW?"

4. Muss his hair up.

5. Tell him to tell his shmexy father that last night was fun.

6. Ask if he can be your "boy toy".

7. Leave Muggle baby toys on his bed.

8. Ask him why his father is such a wuss in the last book.

9. Tell him Ron's gay and has a picture of him under his pillow.

10. Put a bunch of Viagra in his backpack before lunch.

11. Secretly split his bag in the middle of the Great Hall so all his books fall out.

12. Tell him it was Hermione.

13. Get your house to wear buttons that say "Draco Sucks"

14. Tell him his dad blew all his money in Vegas and now they're poorer than the Weasley's.

15. Whenever you see him taunting Harry, mumble "Ahh, young love."

16. Stare at his face for a while, then when he notices you, say "Yup, Harry Potter is MUCH more handsome."

17. Put pink dye in his hair gel.

18. Laugh everytime he tries to speak.

19. Go up to him in the Great Hall during lunch and ask him for your bra back, telling him to get his own.

20. Tell him smirking isn't attractive.

21. Ask him why he was holding Harry so tightly when escaping the Room of Requirement.

22. When he answers, nod and say, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch."

23. Tell him many people think he's a veela, then say you aren't one of them.

24. Ask him what the _hell_ kind of name is Scorpius?!

25. Loudly ask him why he has naked pictures of Harry under his pillow.


	7. Headmaster

**25 Ways to Annoy The Headmaster**

1. Ask him why, WHY, he had to make it so damn confusing for Harry to figure out he needed the Deathly Hallows, and at the last minute!

2. Remind him he is gay.

3. Call him the Headmasturbator.

4. Ask him why he likes Lemon Drops so much.

5. Ask him why he always seems to lead McGonnagall on when he is gay.

6. Tell him he should've killed Voldemort before he had the chance to try to kill Harry.

7. Keep stressing that.

8. Ask why, in the last three movies, he is so loud, forceful, and psycho-ish.

9. Show him the clips of the old Dumbledore, then show him the clip of him asking Harry if he put him in the Goblet of Fire.

10. Ask him why he manhandles Harry so at the part.

11. Ask him why he was the only one Voldemort ever feared.

12. Ask him, "Boxers or briefs?"

13. Tell him there shouldn't be ropes and clippies in his beard (see latest movies)

Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire again.

15. Take off his clothes.

16. Tell him it's "nakey time"

17. Ask him why he trusts Dark wizards so much (Snape, Grindelwald)

18. Tell him love is not the answer to everything.

19. Give him a membership card to the Death Eater's Club.

20. Put a black curtain over his picture.

21. Do number six again. Seriously, if he had known about the Horcruxes, he could have destroyed them and saved Harry a whole lot of anguish as he grew up.

22. Call him DD.

23. Tell him purple is not his color.

24. Ask him if he is the next Merlin.

25. Throw vomit and earwax flavored jellybeans at him.

**Sorry for the long update. If you have any ideas for a person, or have a request for me to do someone, tell me in a review or a PM!**


	8. Harry's Doe

**25 Ways To Annoy Harry's Doe**

1. Ask why there's hardly any action going on between her and Harry when they get together in the books.

2. Remind her that Harry liked Cho Chang before her.

3. Tell her that pining after Harry for the first 5 books was immature.

4. Tell her she was castrated at birth, because her mother really wanted a girl.

5. Take Arnold the Pygmy Puff and feed him to Crookshanks.

6. Call her a whore.

7. Ask her why Harry's 17 birthday present was a _kiss_.

8. Ask her why she named her son Albus Severus, instead of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Severus.

9. Ask her why her marriage isn't as heated up as James and Lily's was.

10. Sing her the Valentine she made for Harry when she was a First Year.

11. Teach it to her kids.

12. Tell her she reminds you of Carrot Top.

13. Ask her why James (her son) doesn't have a prophecy like his father.

14. Tell her Harry got Cho pregnant.

15. When she's about to kiss Harry, stuff a picture of Draco Malfoy in between them.

16. Ask her why she's a tomboy, when she's really the only chance for her mom to have something feminine in the house.

17. Say: "Dean Thomas... _why_?"

18. Set her hair on fire, then pretend you don't see it. Say it blends in.

19. Ask her how many other guys she got it on with before Harry.

20. Ask why her kids were named after people Harry admired, and not her (her parents, brothers, etc.)

21. Ask why she specializes in a spell that sends flying bogies at a person's face.

22. Tell her Harry doesn't love her, he just wants to be like his father (Lily had red hair...)

23. Send Cho Chang to her wedding.

24. Tell all her kids they were adopted.

25. Ask her why she's poor.

**Thanks to Mrs.AliceSiriusBlack for some ideas!**


	9. The Kitty

**25 Ways To Annoy The Kitty**

1. Ask her why she isn't married.

2. Dangle cat nip in front of her.

3. Bark at her.

4. Ignore her when she talks.

5. Meow and ask her what it means.

6. Tell her Crookshanks had been eyeing her lately.

7. Sing "What's New, Pussycat?" everytime she passes you.

8. Leave mice in her room.

9. Leave pictures of lions and tigers (and other large, wild cats) on her desk and in piles of homework.

10. When you see her looking at them, ask "Why are you looking at porn?"

11. Repeatedly ask why she chose to change into a cat.

12. Get Snape to take away all the points from Gryffindor by doing something stupid.

13. Sing the Meow Mix commercial (Meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow etc.) during meals.

14. Complain that you don't want to be in Gryffindor anymore, because everything is too feline.

15. Make sure to point at the lions and at her.

16. Come to her in the middle of the night, saying you had nightmares about her and Dumbledore getting freaky.

17. Let a rabid dog loose in her office.

18. Ask if her mother was a Sphinx.

19. Break all the rules.

20. Start a food fight in the Great Hall at breakfast.

21. Break her glasses, then see what happens when she turns into a cat (the markings...?)

22. When she gives you detention, tell her you'll let Sirius loose on her.

23. Tell her she'll lose all her hair if she keeps it in a tight bun all the time.

24. Send her a Valentine Day's card signed by Snape.

25. Tell her to try Botox someday.


	10. Ickle Ronnikins

**25 Ways To Annoy Ickle Ronnikins**

1. Call him Won-Won.

2. Throw a spider at him.

3. Laugh when he screams like a girl.

4. Re-enact the Horcrux scene.

5. Give him a pipe bomb.

6. Ask why it takes him forever to ask out a girl.

7. Call him his brother's names.

8. Call him Ginny.

9. Accidentally call him Cormac McLaggen whenever you see him and Hermione.

10. Tell him Hugo came from _Victor_ Hugo's name.

11. Leave a spider on his pillowcase.

12. Ask him if you could shrink his nose for him.

13. Ask him if he's Irish.

14. When he says yes (I mean, look at him!) ask him why he doesn't speak like Seamus, with the adorable Irish accent.

15. Tell him his lankiness reminds you of the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

16. Then say the Scarecrow wished he had a brain more than anything.

17. Ask him for advice on dealing with super famous friends; how does he cope with the jealousy??

18. Tell him to puff up his hair and start being a stand-up comedian.

19. Ask for his autograph, then sigh and say you wanted Harry's instead.

20. Draw a scar on his head and dye his hair black.

21. Send him love letters and sign them _Love, Lavender_

22. Put dirt on his nose.

23. "Accidentally" call him Victor.

24. Tell him Hermione is dating Harry.

25. Remind him that Ginny is loved more by their parents.


	11. The Worst Minister of Magic EVER

**25 Ways To Annoy The Worst Minister of Magic EVER**

1. Take away his bowler hat.

2. Call him Cornelia.

3. Call him Minister Chocolate with Nuts. Extra nuts.

4. As if he was born in a factory.

5. Tell him his job as a Minister was completely outrageous, and he should go fall in a pit and die.

6. Laugh whenever he cries.

7. Tell him, point-blankly, that Dumbledore was right, and he was wrong, nah nah.

8. Poke him in the eye.

9. Throw fudge at him.

10. Call him a kumquat.

11. Say bowler hats went out of fashion a millenia ago.

12. Ask for his autograph, then rip it up in front of him.

13. Tell him Rufus Scrimgeour is your dad.

14. Give him all seven Harry Potter books and show him the truth.

15. Ask if he has a wife.

16. Say you're his illegimate child with Minerva McGonagall.

17. Spit in his face and say "Minister my ass!"

18. Send him hate Howlers.

19. Tell him you want to host a Triwizard Tournament.

20. Tell him Voldemort's back, and ask for him not to lie about it.

21. Ask why he had an office in the Leaky Couldron in HP3 (movie).

22. Ask if he got plastic surgery after movie 2. Then say it looked great! He was a totally different person!

23. Throw more fudge at him.

24. Plaster a tattoo Dark Mark on his arm.

25. Tell him Edward Cullen is running for Minister now.


	12. Prongs

**25 Ways To Annoy Prongs**

1. Find a spell to make his hair lie flat.

2. Tell him Lily is going out with Snape.

3. Tell him Lily is going out with Sirius.

4. Tell him Lily is going out with Remus.

5. Tell him LIly is going out with Peter.

6. Ask him why he's obsessed with antlers.

7. Laugh whenever someone says James is good looking.

8. Tell him that Quidditch is for babies.

9. Tell him to come out of the closet already.

10. When he is confused, say, "Duh, Lily Evans is a man. We were all wondering why you found him so attractive..."

11. Ask him if Severus Snape helped him with his latest prank, because it was just BRILLIANT, and he couldn't have _possibly_ have done it alone!

12. Give him a picture of Lily with the giant squid on a date.

13. Tell him nicknames are for children.

14. Say people who are good at Quidditch make up for their lack of skills in another area... -wiggle eyebrows-

15. Replace him broom with a mop right before a Quidditch match.

16. Ask him why there are deer tracks in the Gryffindor common room.

17. Stare at him without blinking for twenty minutes, then say "Lily was right" and walk away looking disgusted.

18. Say "That's what SHE said!" after everything he says.

19. Follow him around with a can of disinfectant, and spray everything his touches the second after he touches it.

20. Tell him this is so the First Years don't catch his _disease_, then glare at his crotch area.

21. Ask him what gender he is.

22. Tell him arrogance is overrated; being prude is the way to go!

23. Call him Snivellus.

24. Turn all his robes green and silver.

25. Spill ink on the Marauder's Map.


	13. Moony

**25 Ways To Annoy Moony**

1. Take away all his chocolate.

2. Take away all his chocolate.

3. Take away all his chocolate.

4. Tell him Teddy's a werewolf.

5. Ask him if sex with Sirius really is all that it's cut out to be.

6. Ask if you can watch him on the full moon.

7. Ask him if his parents knew he was going to be a werewolf. They named him REMUS.

8. Ask him why he was such a bitch after he asked if he could join the trio. Anger management much?

9. Call him a pedophile.

10. Give him laxative chocolates.

11. Don't leave him alone on the full moon.

12. Tell people that everything he knows he learned from you.

13. Ask him if Tonks is his daughter.

14. Ask why he can't transform on demand like the werewolves in Twilight.

15. Cry when he explains.

16. Connect all his scars with a marker.

17. Tell him he's a great kisser in a very public place.

18. Leave pictures of moons everywhere he goes.

19. Pour chocolate sauce all over Sirius and tell him to lick it off him.

20. Tell him you saw Sirius making out with James.

21. Tell him there's no more chocolate because James and Sirius smothered it on each other.

22. Howl at him.

23. Take away his books.

24. Ask him why he's so infatuated with Blacks (Sirius, Tonks), and then ask who's gonna be next.

25. Yell "Riddikulus!" at him, and then say you though he was a Boggart when he looks at you.


	14. Padfoot

**25 Ways To Annoy Padfoot**

1. Leave curtains and drapes all over the place.

2. Throw dog biscuits at him.

3. Draw graffitti on his motorcycle.

4. Break his motorcycle.

5. Call him Assfoot.

6. Continuously ask him, "Wanna bone?"

7. Bark at him.

8. Inform him that everyone knows about "the pups", that he a Remus are gay together, so he should stop with the play-boy charade already.

9. Run when he chases you.

10. Call him a pretty boy.

11. Quack whenever he tries to talk.

12. Try to get him to play fetch.

13. Give him Slytherin robes.

14. Tell him the Sorting Hat DID make a mistake, and he belongs in Slytherin with his family.

15. Dress up like the Joker from The Dark Knight, follow him around, and randomly say, "Why so Sirius?"

16. Ask him if he fucks anything that moves.

17. Tell him he should be chasing McGonagall around like crazy, since she is a cat.

18. Sing "Who Let The Dogs Out?" whenever you see him.

19. Dye his hair white.

20. Call him Sirius White after that.

21. Send him fake love letters from Lily and laugh when James tries to kill him.

22. Pretend to be Kreacher whenever near him.

23. Give him Remus' chocolate and run like hell.

24. Put a leash on him.

25. Spill something on the floor, then rub his nose in it, saying "Look what you did!"


	15. James' Lilyflower

**25 Ways To Annoy James' Lilyflower**

1. Send her a list of every pick-up line James ever used on her.

2. Dress up as Snape and propose that you make sweet, potion-brewing, greasy balls of fun with each other.

3. Ask her is she is a distant relative of the Weasley's every time you see her.

4. Tell James she wants to go out with him.

5. Bring Petunia to Hogwarts.

6. Tell Lily that her Hogwarts Letter was supposed to be for Petunia, not her.

7. Dye her robes purple, and say it goes GREAT with her hair!

8. Shove James in her face and tell her to stop being an idiot and go out with him already! I mean, come on!

9. Tell her Slughorn is Hugh Heffner in disguise, and all the girls in the Slug Club are actually future whores.

10. Go up to her and say, "Tuney? Really?"

11. Tell her Sirius is going to get James if she doesn't get a move on already.

12. Tell her you are always watching her... always...

13. Call her every other type of flower. "Hey Daisy!" "How's it going, Chrysanthemum?"

14. Force the teachers to make her fail every class unless she makes out with Snape.

15. Call her a Mudblood.

16. Show her the Harry Potter books.

17. Tell her the Marauders perform voodoo on a doll with red hair in an attempt to make her agree to go out with James.

18. Ask her if her name is Lily or Evan, since you are confused on account that she looks like a guy...

19. Stare at her for a while, then say "I just don't understand what Prongs sees in her..."

20. Attempt to smell her to see if she smells just like a real lily.

21. Take away her Head Girl badge and give it to Sirius.

22. Ask her if she turns into a deer, too.

23. Keep asking her, even when she says she has no idea what you're talking about.

24. Convince her that she'd look so much better with blonde hair.

25. Call her "Ginger."

**So, I am so terribly sorry that it's been centuries since I last updated. But I promise that I will finish this, even if it takes the rest of my life! -strikes a dramatic pose-**

**By the way, if anyone actually DOES review this, I will love you for all eternity :)**


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